


Without You

by FallingAwake



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-10 22:39:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallingAwake/pseuds/FallingAwake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The lights in Magnus' apartment were out but Jace wasn't going to let that stop him, Magnus needed to know what he had done to Alec. He needed to leave. Warning! Possible Triggers</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**This story will have spoilers for all of Cassandra Clare's books. It also has triggers. Also be worned that this works rating may go up. Thank you, enjoy, and review.**

                 Poison scorched through his body and burned him from the inside. The pain was immense but he ignored it to kill the monster that had attacked him. The pain was his release from the emptiness he dealt with every second of everyday. Living without a heart was harder than he thought it would be. He would do anything to feel again. Anything. His blade pierced the demons kill spot at the same moment that Jace came running into his blurring vision. The demon disintegrated leaving only a small pile of ash and the poison in his veins. His legs buckled and Jace caught him seconds before his head slammed against the stained pavement. But he didn’t mind because he was feeling.

                “Dammit Alec! What were you thinking!?” Jace yelled in Alec’s face, but he just smiled weakly.

                “I did it though. All by myself,” he was proud of what he had done even though he was about to die.

                “Do you realize that you might just die one of these times? How many times can your body take this poison until it just doesn’t take it anymore? Alec are you trying to kill yourself because if you are you might just get your wish,” Jace frowned and called Isabelle to tell her to have someone there to help when he finally got Alec back to the Institute.  “Okay buddy let’s try to get your home. You’re lucky that he are only three blocks away, any further and I don’t think we would be able to make it,” Jace smiled grimly and picked him up bridle style and started running.

                Izzy was waiting at the door for them when they made it back to the Institute. Jace walked the rest of the way to Alec’s room and dropped him on the bed, panting hard. Alec’s face was paler than normal and sweat was beading on his forehead. Jace sat down on the edge of Alec’s bed like so many times before and began to wipe the sweat away with a damp towel supplied by Izzy. Everyday Alec would disappear only to come stumbling through the door in the wee hours of the morning, and more often than not he would he hurt in some way.

                “Why do you think he does this?” Jace asked when he was breathing evenly again.

                “It has to be about Magnus. He still won’t answer my texts, not even when I tell him that Alec is dying and needs healed. Whatever happened between them had to be what is causing Alec to be like this,” Izzy was leaning against the wall beside the door waiting for the latest healer to come fix her elder brother.

                Within minutes the room was bustling with people trying to help Alec, but they had no idea what demon had poisoned him, because he had killed it before Jace got a good look.  After ten minutes someone gave him a pill and left to tell the adults, because the people tending him weren’t good enough. Jace watched expectantly and when Alec finally opened his eyes he sighed and left.  No matter how much he loved the boy he just couldn’t talk to him. Everything he had to say had already been said to him and it was obvious he had no desire to listen.

                Izzy followed shortly afterwards and found Jace in the weapons room throwing knives at a dart board.  Izzy watched him for a few minutes, allowing him to get his aggression out. She wanted to do something like that too, but one of them had to be sensible.

                “Jace you do know that a dart board is made for _darts_ right?” Izzy walked over to him and took the knives away from him.

                “What the fuck Izzy!” Jace turned around to face her, but when he saw the look of exhaustion in her eyes he stopped. “I just don’t understand Izzy. Why does he have to do this? Aren’t we good enough for him!?” Tears welled up in Jace’s eyes and Izzy dropped the knife before taking him in her arms.

                “Jace, he doesn’t know what else to do. He just wants to do something that will take his mind off the fact that Magnus is gone. I really don’t think he even knows that he is hurting us, he’s never home long enough to see that nobody even talks anymore.” Izzy held Jace as his tears stained her shirt. Jace took Alec’s state the worse because he always felt like he should be faster. He always talked about that he could have stopped it if he had only been there a few seconds earlier.

                “Then maybe we just need to force him to stay home and see the truth.” Jace wiped off his face and left the room. Izzy knew that Jace thought he was doing the right thing but she knew that there was nothing that could help Alec except for Alec…or maybe Magnus. But that would never happen. Izzy had a feeling that whatever happened between Alec and Magnus wasn’t ever going to get fixed. She somehow knew that she and the others would never see Magnus again, well unless Alec left.

                Jace walked into Alec’s room and found Alec sleeping, the only thing he ever did when home. Jace pulled up a chair and watched as the boy who was like a brother to him clutched the shirt of a man that would never return.

 

* * *

 

 

                Hours later Jace was still watching Alec when it happened. It started with Alec just twitching, moving in his sleep. But the movement became violent and his breathing became harsh. The words came last and they cut Jace open.

                “I love you! Please Magnus don’t leave me. I’ve tried to kill myself Magnus and I just can seem to get it right. Help me.”

                With that Jace stood up and pulled Alec into his chest, where he woke up and started crying. Alec silent sobbing caused his shoulders to shake and Jace’s shirt to become drenched. Jace rubbed circles on Alec’s back and swore over and over to himself that Magnus would pay for what he did. About twenty minutes later Alec fell asleep again, and that was when he noticed Izzy standing in the doorway.

                “I’m going to go out Iz. I need you to stay here and watch him for me. Don’t let him leave okay?” Jace stood up and walked out without letting Izzy answer him.

 

* * *

 

 

                The lights in Magnus’ apartment were out but Jace wasn’t going to let that stop him, Magnus needed to know what he had done to Alec. He needed to leave. Jace pressed the buzzer hoping Magnus would answer. Minutes later a groggy Magnus sounded through the speaker.

                “Please tell me why I was just awoken?”

                “Because Magnus we need to talk.” Jace was angry but he forced his voice to come out calm.

                “I can tell that you won’t leave until you say what you need to so please come up.” Jace took the stairs two at a time and found the door open at the top waiting for him. He slammed the door closed behind him and looked for Magnus, who was sitting on the couch like nothing was wrong.

                “We keep trying to get ahold of you but you never seem to care.” Jace folded his arms across his chest defensively as he said this.

                “Maybe I just don’t want to know what you are saying.” Magnus’ cat jumped into his lap and he kissed its head.

                “Do you know what I had to do today, and every single day since you left?”

                “No, but seeing as I have been ignoring you, you would know that already.” Magnus shifted his legs underneath himself curling up like the cat his eye reminded Jace of.

                “Today I ran the streets looking for Alec. Trying to find a broken boy with a death wish isn’t easy. And when I did find him Magnus he was poisoned by the demon he had been fighting, and it isn’t the first time I have found him that way.” Magnus shifted at the mention of Alec, “And tonight when he was sleeping after a random healer fixed him, he had a nightmare Magnus. And who do you think it was fucking about!?” Jace stalked over to Magnus and wrapped his hands around his neck.

                “I want so bad to kill you Magnus. He whispered that he was trying to kill himself. He was talking to you. I held him when he woke up crying, you broke a boy that never did anything to you. He isn’t okay Magnus and we both know you caused this.” Jace’s hands gripped harder, “I think it would be best for everyone if you just disappeared. No one will call you anymore. Just leave Magnus, because this town doesn’t need you.” Jace released Magnus and walked to the door.

                “Whatever is best,” Magnus said as Jace left the apartment.


	2. Chapter 2

As the door of Magnus’ apartment closed a single tear fell down his face. Why would Alec do such a thing because of him? He was only a selfish warlock. Alec was a bright star and Magnus has caused him to go supernova. Magnus threw a pillow across the room and it thumped against the wall.

                A scream pierced the still air and objects began launching themselves at the walls. The raging part of Magnus that he had managed to keep hidden was emerging. He stormed through his brightly decorated apartment, light bulbs blowing as he went past them. Once in his room he stared at the canary bed spread that clashed with his recently redecorated room, yet he couldn’t get rid of it. It brought back so many memories and getting rid of it wasn’t something Magnus had been able to do.

                He tore his eyes from the comforter and grabbed a black suitcase from his large closet, and began filling it with enough to last him at least a week. By then he should have a new name and home. Maybe even friends to make it complete. He pulled a duffle bag from the dark corners of his closet and walked over to his vanity. It was littered with the makeup that he used daily. He swiped his arm across it and all the tubes, brushes, and containers went tumbling into the bag. He stopped and pulled out the makeup remover, which he then started using on his face. He was going to leave this house pure. Finally Magnus pulled out a pink bedazzled cat carrier and called for Chairman Meow. The little puff ball launched itself out from under the bed and Magnus caught him and placed him in the carrier. Magnus calmed down and walked to the door where he placed the suitcase, duffle bag, and carrier. At that point Magnus sat down at the kitchen table and started writing.

                _Dear Alec,_

_Today a friend of mine showed up at my doorstep with unsettling news. At first I didn’t want to take this friend seriously because he is quite annoying to me, but I knew that he would never lie when it comes to you. He grabbed me and told me that you have been dreaming about me. Now normally I would be pleased by this but in our current position it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I just wanted you to forget me. I never wanted to hurt you. Everything that I have ever done is to keep you safe._

_My dearest I wonder what would have happened if I had answered the phone the first time they called to say a demon had poisoned you. I came so close that time, I cried for hours afterward hoping that they would find the right medicine to save you. Black splotches stain every pillow in my apartment from crying so much. I should have stopped wearing makeup but I always wanted to look expectable in case I was to see you.  All I ever wanted was to see you again, but it was also the one thing I feared the most. I knew that if I had to see you again I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I knew that if I saw you again we would end up in a place that I knew wasn’t safe._

_I love you so much, and to hear that you are doing what you are doing is like being stabbed in the chest. I know that you miss me but death will not make the pain any less. I have thought on this subject a lot, and have come to realize this. Let your family help you Alec, they are putting themselves in danger chasing you around and I know that you care about them. Even if you are still in pain, think of them first. They might end up dead Alec, and then where would you be? Alone, hurting, and poisoned with no one to find you. There would be no Jace to pick you up and run you to the Institute. There would be no Izzy to try and get me to come. There would be no one. Where you are now Alec, is amazing. Never think that just because I am gone means that you have nothing._

_Now I am going to say this and I want you to know that I mean it. I love you and that is why I must leave. My friend told me that it would be best that I leave and I am going to listen, because all that my presence is doing is causing you pain. My being here is even causing me pain. Today Alec I want you to stop what you are doing and start fresh. Forget about me, because I am not important. Just one man in a world full of other men._

_Love you forever and ever,_

_Magnus Bane_

Magnus spilled tears on the paper and the ink was runny but that didn’t matter. It would never get to sweet Alec, because he wasn’t going to send it. Slowly Magnus stood up and walked out of his house, but he would be coming back. He walked to the closest store and bought a few containers of starter fluid. He knew what he was doing, but he also knew that it was what needed to be done. Alec had to know that he wasn’t going to be coming back. He wasn’t going to beg Alec to take him back like he had thought about doing so many times over. He wanted going to interfere at all and Alec needed to know that. This was the easiest way to let him know.

                When Magnus got back he put down his grocery bag and took his suitcase, cat, and makeup outside where they would await his return. He needed those, and leaving them in the house was too dangerous. He picked up the lighter fluid and walked into his room. He began with the canary yellow bed. He doused it in gas and then wet the floor around it. He then created a train from the bed to the closet where he pulled all the clothes down and created a bonfire.

                When the he was done with the bottle and the bedroom he grabbed a new bottle and made a trail connecting the bedroom and the kitchen. There he doused the floor, picked up his letter, and made a trail to the living room. He covered every surface with gas. The couch where he and Alec had spent so many nights, the television where he and Alec had watched movies till they fell asleep, the walls where pictures of Alec still resided because Magnus hadn’t been able to take them down. Finally he made his way to the door where he made a giant puddle.

                Standing on the top step of the stairs to freedom, Magnus took the letter in his right hand and held it out. Magic flooded his arm and the paper caught fire at the tips of his fingers. He let the paper burn for a minute before he dropped it into the gas. The gas caught fire and blazed around the apartment. All the memories were gone now, and Magnus hoped that helped everyone to move on.

                He slowly walked down the stairs for the final time, tears falling down his face for the third and last time that day. He was tired of all the crying and it wasn’t helping anyone. He turned around and watched the fire from the street before wiping his face off and grabbed his only belongings. He was off to find a new home.

* * *

 

                Alec was sitting in the living room beside Jace watching the local news. This was an easy way to find where the trouble was. He was staring off into oblivion thinking of someone who dominated his thoughts, when the news caught his attention.

                “Minutes ago the fire department was called to an apartment fire,” Said the fake blonde reporter. Then a video of the fireman working on the fire came up, and the air was sucked from Alec’s lungs. It was Magnus’. “The fire department had yet to figure out if the occupants were able to get out. They are also unable to tell us at this time if the fire was an accident or not.” Alec looked over at Jace and saw him shaking his head

                Alec fought for breath. Magnus might be dead. He might not be alive, but he would have gotten out. Magnus was smarter than that. Then again Alec was smarter than to so what he had been doing, and he did it anyway. Pain raked across Alec’s stomach and he ran to the bathroom. Bile burned his throat as he expelled every meal he had had that day. When he was done he cleaned up and went to his room. He curled up in his bed and hugged Magnus’s shirt to his chest. Tears stained his pillows and cheeks, but he didn’t care. He just wished Magnus hadn’t left.


End file.
